Chapter 5: Christmas in Connecticut - Lies & Deceit
by jjbenzix7
Summary: Excerpt from Christmas in Connecticut - Episode 1: Lies & Deceit: "The expression in John's eyes quickly changed when she told him no. She had let another moment slip past. He flexed the muscles in his chest a few more times, like a lion stalking his prey. His movement was quiet, his mind deep in thought. The cocky grin on his face told her that he wanted something from her."
1. Episode 1: Lies & Deceit

_*A fan fiction story based on the Person of Interest characters. I own no copyrights to the characters or show. Thank you. Enjoy. _

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**A CaReese Fan Fiction Love Story **

**Love In Numbers**

**Chapter 5: Christmas in Connecticut**

**Episode 1: Lies & Deceit**_ - It was very hard leaving Reese behind to spend a week in Connecticut for Christmas, but Carter missed Taylor, and was looking forward to spending time with her mother. It was even harder for her, knowing that she was keeping a secret from Reese. She could only hope now, that he would never find out about Beecher riding to Connecticut with her. It would certainly break his heart, and would no doubt, destroy the trust in their relationship. Carter knew that somehow, she would have to find the courage to tell him the truth, but how and when?_

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**Love In Numbers**

**Chapter 5: Christmas in Connecticut**

**Episode 1: Lies & Deceit**

Around four in the morning, they consummated their newfound level of love in a very special way. It was nothing like the wild and explosive, sexual trysts they normally engaged in. This time it was different, with promising signs of a secure future together, long lasting and binding. Joss felt for the first time, that John really wanted to be a part of her and Taylor's life, and be a part of their world. He talked to her about how good it felt to do normal things, to feel normal again, and experience normal emotions.

John told her about how he had shut down his heart after Jessica died. There was no reason for him to ever love again, no reason to care, no reason for him to feel anything about anyone. All of his hopes and dreams were shattered the night Jessica was murdered. He told her that it was not until he looked into her eyes that night at the Precinct, that he felt he had a chance to turn his life around, because her eyes held hope, and gave him a reason to want to live again.

Joss did not realize how limited and constricted his life was, until he began to say these things to her. She felt sorry for him. Now, it was clear to her why he could be very sweet, gentle, kind and caring to her, ninety-nine percent of the time, but on that one percent, rare occasion, he could be so demanding, with a take-charge attitude. Especially when he wanted her with unapologetic lust. He held nothing back, and came at her with a greedy sexual appetite.

She suddenly understood that he was fighting against the demons within his soul. He was fighting hard against the demons when he felt the need to be in control, to take instead of give when they were together. Now she felt pity for him. She pitied him for the restrictions in his life, the anger and the pain. It was at that moment, Joss decided that she would do whatever she could, to help him win the fight. She would do whatever it took, to help him live a normal life again. She knew that it would not be easy, but she was ready to jump in with both feet planted firmly in his life.

After catching a few hours of sleep, she rolled over and looked at the buzzing alarm clock. The red flashing numbers were almost hypnotizing as they blinked on and off, **seven… three …zero…seven…three…zero.** She really wanted to smash the hell out of it. Joss hated alarm clocks with a passion, but without one, she would sleep straight through the day.

Lingering, trying to convince her legs and feet to do the right thing, she finally dragged her frazzled body up, and sat on the side of the bed. Joss removed the barrette from her hair and let it fall down around her shoulders, fluffing and running her fingers through it. She looked back at John and he was sound asleep. _"Wow"_, she thought, _the mighty stud really does have a weakness after all."_ Normally, he would have smacked her on the ass, and told her to get up, but he was too busy lying on his.

Joss looked down at the beautiful ring on her finger and smiled. She stood, stretched her arms toward the ceiling, and walked out of the bedroom. She went into the bathroom to prepare the bathwater, anticipating a nice long soak in the tub. A shower would be quicker, but on this beautiful morning, Joss wanted to soak awhile, and enjoy a little **_me_** time before John wakes. She knew he would want to join her, and she really was not up to it.

She had a lot to do today before leaving for Connecticut. Joss stood in front of the large wall-to-wall mirror over the double sinks. She brushed her hair up and twisted it into a bun on top of her head, securing it with a hair clip. She brushed her teeth, flossed, and gargled with mouthwash, spitting into one of the sinks, rinsing it down with water.

Walking past the bathtub to remove a clean towel from the linen closet, Joss reached down to turn the hot water on. As the tub began to fill, she sprinkled her favorite lavender and jasmine scented bath oil beads into the water, letting them dissolve, changing the water from clear, to a creamy milky color. Joss removed her bathrobe and slowly stepped into the tub, anticipating the hotness of the water, but she loved it that way. After the burning sensation of the hot water had dwindled, she completely submerged her body, from the neck down, beneath the lavender and jasmine scented bathwater.

She laid her head back onto the bath pillow, closed her eyes, and allowed her body and mind to relax, void of all thoughts. All thoughts that is, except John. Her mind drifted to the conversation they had, the restrictions of his life, their steamy, passionate relationship. She held her hand up and stared at the ring again, twirling it around on her finger. There was something bewitching about it. The story he shared with her about his grandmother was so touching, but there was just something about the ring that she could not conclude.

Her mind began to drift back to what John said about the ring not fitting Jessica's finger, and how she had tried, unsuccessfully, to remove the ring from her finger that night, but it would not budge. She thought of the day afterwards, how she was able to twirl it effortlessly, around her finger. Joss closed her eyes again and tried to salvage the rest of her _me_ time before John wakes up.

It was twenty-five minutes past the hour of eight. The morning sun had lit up the darkened room. John was awake and lying on his back, with the soft, blue satin sheets, pulled up to his waist. He stared up at the recessed ceiling and its unique design. There was something about it that was romantic, seductive and alluring. It appeared to invite sexual encounters to occur within its view.

He slid his hand over to her side of the bed, but she was already up. John knew that Joss was probably soaking in the tub, especially after the unpredictable night they had. He had to stop thinking about it. He could feel the early signs of a hard on growing inside his black silk pajamas. _"Down boy"_ he said, smiling at the thought of how he had introduced Joss to something new last night.

John placed his hands behind his head, his bare chest glowing from the sun creeping into the bedroom window. He smiled as he remembered how she screamed out his name, the sweet sound of her whimpering moans as she felt the release of her orgasm take control, and how she begged him not to stop. He could not believe that she had never been introduced to that position before, had never even tried it. He smiled thinking of how she was almost climbing the wall when he did it to her over and over again.

Just as he was throwing the sheets back to get up, her phone buzzed. John knew that it was a message, but from who. Maybe it was Taylor, making sure his mom was awake and packing for the trip. He ignored it, and stood to get in a few body stretches of his own, when her phone buzzed again. This time the better part of his curiosity kicked in. He walked over and picked up the phone from the nightstand.

_"God I shouldn't be doing this"_, he said, feeling a little guilty for snooping, but he wanted to make sure it was not an urgent message that she may need to handle immediately.

John looked at the message on the screen. He could not believe it, but there it was, as plain as day. It took only seconds for the pleasant aura of the room to dissipate, as feelings of lies and deceit entered. His legs felt weak as the message played over and over in his head.

**_"Carter…Beecher. Just want to make sure you're up. Don't forget me this time. Thanks for letting me ride with you. You're one hell of a woman. We'll have fun this time I promise. Maybe we can make up for the night we lost. Can't wait." _**

John grabbed his head, running his hands over the top. He paced back and forth in front of the bed, trying not to get angry. His muscles flexed in his chest, and his abs tightened like a male lion preparing himself for the fight. He wanted to be understanding and trusting. John knew that Joss did not like it when he showed his jealous emotions, but how could she tell him not to act on his feelings, when the face of competition was poking a stick at him every chance he got?

He heard the bathroom door open and Joss humming. She was done with her bath. John quickly placed the cell phone back onto the nightstand, but not before sending the message to his phone, and _'burning'_ all traces of the call, as Finch had taught him to do. He quickly slid back under the sheets and closed his eyes, pretending to still be asleep. He could hear her footsteps getting closer.

Joss entered the bedroom, a damp towel wrapped around her body. He could see her through the small cracks in his eyes, almost losing control of his urges when she dropped the towel, revealing a perfect silhouette of her naked body. He watched her as he fought against the hard on protruding in his pajamas. She leaned forward and the perfect round curves of her breasts bounced as she slipped into a sexy pair of silk black panties. He wanted to reach out and grab her, pin her to the bed and have his way with her. He wanted to tell her about the message she had received from Beecher.

John continued to watch every move she made. Each time she leaned forward, her breasts would move in unison with her body, her hardened nipples protruding. Joss stood in front of the bed, naked, with only the black silk panties covering her body. She was now in full view of his spying eyes. She leaned forward to pick up her white satin robe from the end of the bed. John could hardly stand it any longer. He gripped the side of the bed, almost piercing his fingers through it. He could only marvel at the beauty standing before him, but he held firm, gripping the bed tighter. He felt a sense of relief when she slipped into the white satin robe and tied it tightly around her waist.

Joss smooth the robe down around her, starting from her breasts down to her ass. He remained silent, and continued to watch her as she brushed her hair, fluffing it with her fingers. After she was done and had left the room, he got up and sat on the side of the bed. The hard on in his pajamas was standing even taller, aching for her, and gyrating uncontrollably.

_God, why do women do this to us?"_ he asked himself shaking his head back and forth.

John really wanted to say something to her about the message, but he felt guilty for having looked at her phone. He hoped that maybe she would mention Beecher riding with her, before leaving for Connecticut. He was trying not to over react but his emotions were running rampant in his mind.

In the kitchen, Joss was humming Christmas songs as she started a pot of coffee. She removed a bag of bagels, and a bowl of John's favorite almond-walnut spread. Humming cheerfully, she reached into the cupboard and removed two coffee cups. Joss poured a glass of juice for John to drink, and sat it into the refrigerator to keep cool. She knew that his idea of a good breakfast, was two bagels topped with cream, a few sips of black coffee, and to top it all off...sex.

Joss walked back to the bedroom. At first she didn't see John standing near the window, staring out into the darkness, until he moved and cleared his throat. She jumped, fanning herself with her hands from the sudden barrage of heat she felt from the fright.

_"God, John, you scared me", _she said, gently patting her chest._ "I'm sorry, did I wake you?"_ She walked over to him and planted a quick kiss on his lips.

_"No, babe, I was already awake. Besides, I really have to go in today. Finch left a message for me last night."_

_"Ok, grab a shower, I've started breakfast. What do you have a taste for sweetie?"_ She was standing in the doorway smiling innocently, as if she had nothing to hide.

_"I'm not all that hungry babe, coffee and a bagel will be fine", he said, _thinking to himself,_ "if she only knew...I have a taste for her...that's what I want for breakfast."_

_"Right, but at least drink a glass of juice with that", _she said as she walked back into the kitchen.

_"Sure…babe…juice will be great." _

John's mind was racing. He wondered when and where this little transaction took place between the two of them. He wondered why she didn't say anything to him about it yesterday. Why she didn't say anything about it last night? Why not now?

He slipped into his robe and walked into the kitchen. Joss was preparing the bagels with his favorite spread. He poured himself a cup of the coffee, and took a few sips. John was not a heavy coffee drinker, but a few sips in the morning always stimulated him. She turned and smiled at him with a bagel in her hand and he took a quick bite from it, leaving dabs of the spread on his lips.

Joss smiled, eased closer to him, slid her arms around his waist, and slowly sucked the spread from his lips.

_"Mmmmm…that taste even better"_, she said, kissing him seductively, with short, sweet pecks, sucking and nibbling his bottom lip, as he slid his free hand into her robe and fondled her breasts.

_"Yeah?…you… like that...babe?"_ John responded through smiles, receiving her sweet kisses with pleasurable moans, his hard on back at attention and gyrating, definitely sending her a message.

His thoughts were..._if she had done this to me a few minutes ago, we would just be winding down from a good fuck_. Things were beginning to get a little too steamy. Joss had to pull away from him to keep from losing complete control.

John could feel her body moving away from his. God he wanted to screw her right now.

_"Sure you don't want eggs with that sweetheart? _Joss asked, leaning over into the refrigerator.

John was staring down at his gyrating hard on, clenching his teeth tightly.

_"Mmmm...No…this is good enough. I'm not too hungry babe. I just need a ah...a cold shower..." _he said, pointing down at his hard on moving around in his pajamas. Joss looked down at it and shook her head, smiling, as she finished preparing breakfast for them.

He leaned forward, kissed her on the cheek and walked out of the kitchen into the bathroom. John turned the water on in the shower stall, a mixture of cold and hot, but mostly cold. He removed his silk robe and pajama bottoms, and stepped into the shower, as the combo of warm water ran over his head and down his body. The blank stare on his face indicated that he was in deep thought. He could not stop thinking about the message from Beecher. The words in the message were not innocent to him. There was more to it than that and he knew it.

**_…"You're one hell of a woman"..._**

**_…"I can't wait"…_**

John leaned forward, resting his head on the wall of the shower. He let the water flow down the side of his face, as more words from the message consumed his thoughts. He tried to fight back the jealous anger he was feeling inside, but he couldn't. The words of the message haunted his mind.

**_…"We'll have fun...I promise"…_**

**_…"Maybe we can make up for the night we lost"…_**

After drinking a cup of coffee and eating two bagels, Joss went into the bedroom to start the tedious task of finding something comfortable to wear, for the two-hour drive. She looked over at the clock on the nightstand, and it was now a quarter to eleven. _"Geez, where did the time go?"_ This was one time Joss was glad that she had put together three different outfits and hung them in the closet. Otherwise, she wouldn't have time to search for something to wear.

She reached for her first choice of outfits, and laid the clothes on the bed, expecting them carefully, making sure there were no wrinkles and no need for ironing. She slipped out of her robe, and slid into a pair of navy, slim fitting jeans. She stood in front of the floor length mirror, zipped the jeans and ran her hands over her curvy hips and round firm ass. _"Perfect"_, she said as she patted her ass and turned to pick up the cashmere sweater. Joss slipped into the soft, ivory colored sweater. She fell in love with its swing-styled, flare bottom and elongated sleeves, the moment she saw it in the boutique.

Joss walked back to her closet and stared at the row of shoes and boots lined neatly on the floor. She wondered,_ "Which pair would go good with this outfit?"_ Joss spotted the brown leather, ankle-length boots, and knew that they would be perfect for the outfit. The warmth and comfort of the fur lining inside, meant that she did not have to wear socks. She wanted a combo of chic and comfort, especially for the drive.

She brushed the front portion of her hair upward, and let the feathered cut, drape loosely around her ears, sweeping it back and twisting the small portion, securing it with a hair clip. She let the bottom portion of her hair, hang loose down the center of her back. It was quick and simple, just as she liked. Afterwards, Joss stood in front of the mirror, turning in a circular motion. She was very pleased with the results, but had one more accessory to add, her favorite pair of big, round, gold hoop earrings. She skillfully fastened one of the earrings to her ear, but the other one slipped from her hand and fell to the floor, rolling beneath the floor-length mirror.

_Dammit"_, she uttered as she bent down to search for it.

While she was bent over, searching for her earring, Joss heard the bedroom door close, and the lock click. She quickly stood and turned around. John was leaning against the door staring at her. He had just stepped out of the shower and was dripping wet. Beaded droplets of water rolled down his chest and tight abs, radiating a golden glow on his body, from the sun shining through the bedroom window. The damp towel wrapped around his waist, presented a vivid picture of what was going on beneath it. She could see the outline of excitement protruding and gyrating beneath the wet towel.

_"Uh-oh, _she thought,_ this definitely do not look good. I am really in for it now..." _

John stared at her for a moment with a sinister, somewhat cunning grin, plastered on his face, his eyes holding hers captive, as they roamed up and down her body. His muscles began to flex in his chest, and his abs tightened from anticipation of knowing what he was about to do to her. 

_"Anything you want to say to me?"_ he asked casually, pushing himself away from the locked door and inching closer toward her.

Joss stared at him, feeling a bit confused and caught off guard by the question. "_What in the hell is he talking about?"_ She wondered, raising an eyebrow, but keeping her eyes locked into his.

The expression in John's eyes quickly changed when she told him no. She had let another moment slip past. He flexed the muscles in his chest a few more times, like a lion stalking his prey. His movement was quiet, his mind deep in thought. The cocky grin on his face told her that he wanted something from her.

John wanted to put her honesty to the test, leaving just enough of an opening, for her to come clean, yet again.

_"I've been thinking a lot about your offer babe…you know, for me to go to Connecticut with you. Maybe I…"_

Joss answered quickly, not letting him finish what he was about to say, almost screaming out the recantation of her offer.

_"No! John…I mean, I wouldn't…I mean you shouldn't disappoint Finch…and ah…you're right, maybe it'll be best if I tell Taylor about you first…you know…prepare him."_

She cracked a guilt-ridden smile at him and dropped her head, feeling both shame and guilt, for the web of lies and deceit she was spinning.

John stood silent, basking in the thought of victorious conclusion. She had given him the answer. There was no need for her to say a damn thing more. She had answered without trying, answered without thinking. He felt the sting of disappointment, not so much about Beecher, but the fact that she felt the need to lie about it, lie to him.

The silence between them was suffocating and tense. His eyes roamed her body again, from head to toe. She was nervous, unsure of what he was thinking, why he was looking at her like that, wondering if somehow he had found out about Beecher. His words, the questions he had asked her, the sudden request to go with her to Connecticut. Did he know? Had he somehow found out?

Joss could not look at him, for fear he would see the guilt in her eyes. She turned her back and nervously inserted the earring into her ear. She could see his reflection in the mirror, he was inching closer, and the look in his eyes was one of lust and want. She had seen that look a hundred times over.

Knowing that she had spent almost two hours getting dressed and fixing her hair, Joss tried to think of something to say to steer his mind from the inevitable of what was about to happen. She had almost two hours left, before leaving for Connecticut, but she knew that in 'John Reese' time, it was more than enough. As he walked closer, she held her arms out with her hands up.

_"John, you're not serious are you?" _she asked, backing away from him, half smiling, half afraid, completely sensitive to his needs, his wants and desires.

_"John…please…you can't be serious."_

Oh, but he was. The sex-ridden smirk on his face, and the protruding hard on in front of the towel, was proof enough. John was damn serious and he was going to make sure her thoughts would be of him and not Beecher. If this was how she wanted to play with his emotions, play with his love, his affection...then so be it. He had concluded that, her knowing of his insecurities, and the need for her to deny him the right to release his emotions his way, left him with one alternative. He would release the tense, build up of his emotions…inside her.

He was close enough now that her hand was pressing against his chest, as she pointed at her clothes and hair, hoping he would get the message, but she should know by now, that John was not a man of many words. The touch of her hand only stimulated him instead of stopping him.

Joss pressed harder against his chest as he towered over her. He grabbed her wrist and backed her into the wall, pinning her to it, with his lips pressed against hers. He kissed her hard, his tongue deep inside her mouth, wiggling and vying for control of hers. She could feel the thickness of his hard on rubbing against her jeans. Just as quick as he pinned her against the wall, he released her, and took a step back, leaving her lips trailing his, wanting to taste more, as she struggled to breathe. In her weakest moment, he grabbed her arm again, and pulled her in front of him, her legs pressing against the bed.

_"Take them off."_ He said. His voice was deep and commanding.

_"John, come on…you can't be serious...you know I've got to…"_

_"Now!…Joss. Take off your clothes… everything…take it all off…now." _His piercing blue eyes stared right through her with bold resistance to her petty whimpers.

She was trying to convince him that she did not have time for this, but he wanted her and she knew it. John reached behind her head and removed the hairclip from her hair. He ran his fingers through it and shook it loose, as her feathered waves fell effortlessly around her face, masking one side. His cold stare remained fixated on her, as he reached down, grabbed her sweater, and pulled it up over her head, throwing it to the floor.

Joss felt more than the coldness circulating within the room. She felt a chill generating from him, from his body. He was not happy. He was not the John she knew. Joss inhaled and her body stiffened from the coolness of his wet lips on her breasts. He fingered the front clasp of her bra until it popped open, releasing her breasts from captivity. Taking one into his mouth, John allowed his tongue to wiggle rapidly around her nipple. She tried to ignore him but her legs gave up on her need to be strong, her need to fight against his lustful demands.

John pushed her down onto the bed, her perky breasts bouncing from the force, her hair falling across her face, giving her the look of a tigress in heat, as her breathing increased rapidly from anticipation of knowing what was going to happen to her. He grabbed her legs, planting her bare feet against his chest. She could feel his muscles flexing as he ran his hand slowly up the side of her tight-fitting jeans, until he reached the opening. He slowly unzipped as he slid them from her body, his hands inside, clawing at her skin. He spoke no words from his mouth, but his eyes possessed her.

Reaching his hands beneath her ass, he pulled at her panties, ripping them from her body and slinging them across the room. For the first time, Joss felt nervous, frightened, and unsure. Something was very different about him this time. There was a sense anger, disappointment, and hurt in his eyes. She stared back at him, her eyes holding back the words she wanted to say, but wouldn't. Needed to say, but couldn't.

When he had stripped her of all of her clothes, John snatched the wet towel from his body, his hard on protruding, gyrating, aiming in her direction. He lowered his tall, tan, chiseled body over her and spoke with a powerful, commanding tone, almost shouting out the words.

_"Open them!"_

Joss pretended to ignore him, turning her face toward the door. He pushed her legs apart, placing his hands firmly on her knees, pinning her to the bed. The quietness of the room soon gave way to repeated thumps, as her head and body moved back and forth with short, rapid jerks, her hair falling across her face, masking her eyes. Her legs were extended in mid air, knees slightly bent, as they moved back and forth. John was humping her hard, pumping and grinding inside of her with tireless speed. Seductive grunts and moans echoed throughout the bedroom, as he humped her selfishly. She arched her back, her mouth open and gasping for air. He knew what he was doing to her. He eased his hard on slowly out of her and stood in front of the bed, as if he wanted to make her suffer, beg, scream. Joss shook the hair from her face and stared up at him, panting hard and rapidly.

She was about to scream at him, but he grabbed her legs and pulled her to the edge of the bed, ramming himself deep inside of her, churning and jerking his hips, moaning and grunting as sweat rolled down his body like water from a shower.

_"Nooooooo!"_ she screamed, her neck arched back. Her screams were long, drawn out, ending with whimpering moans as she moved her head from side to side, clawing at the blue satin sheets on the bed, gripping them tight through clenched fists.

_"Yes! Dammit! Yes! Damn you Joss! Why?"_ he shouted, humping her harder, stroking faster, pinning her arms to the bed, her body beneath his. Wanting and needing her to tell him why...say it!

Joss felt relief when his hands released her arms, but he was just getting started. John flipped her body over onto her stomach. He slid his arm beneath her waist and canted her ass up to his hips. She tried to crawl away from him, but he pulled her back with force, penetrating her, filling and enclosing her completely. The tightness of his hard on inside of her, left her breathless. The warmth of her juices flowed, triggering in him a deep, animalistic growl, as he burrowed deeper and deeper, moaning, his hips jerking, his body grinding against hers, smacking and moving together in unison, both drenched in sweat.

Joss learned quickly to release her muscles and let him work his magic. She learned quickly to lock the walls of her vagina around his erection, stimulating the head of his penis, making each pull pleasurable. He had taught her well and he knew it. She screamed from small bouts of pain mixed with pleasure. Her shortness of breath did not deter his speed. She tried to pull away from him again, but he gripped her hips tighter, and pulled her back, digging his fingers into her hips. She jerked away, but it only stimulated his desires, and stoked his majestic, animal-like masculinity, as he gripped her waist and manhandled her body, rendering it unmovable, humping her like a wild beast in heat.

He had now reached explosive peaks of pleasure, rearing his head back, releasing a bloodcurdling moan, releasing the anger of deceit. He shook, uncontrollably, as his muscles tightened, releasing the pressure of his hard on, as he emptied himself inside of her. When it was over, she collapsed to the bed, exhausted and breathing hard. He collapsed down beside her, breathing rapidly, brushing her hair from her face. John leaned his face against hers, kissed her cheek gently, and whispered in her ear.

_"There are no secrets between us…right?"_

He eased up from beside her and walked out of the bedroom. He went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. Joss stared out of the bedroom door. Her mind was stinging with one burning question. _"Could he know?" _She quickly dismissed the notion, trying to convince herself that there was no way in hell he could know. She blamed her insecurity on guilt, but he had just given her one last chance to tell him the truth, and she did not.

**Episode 2: Seven Hours!**

**_Carter and Beecher was on their way to Connecticut. As much as she hated to admit it, she was having a nice time. Even though she left her apartment around four in the evening, seven hours later, they arrived in Connecticut. What should have taken only two hours, had taken seven. Carter had no way of knowing how she would explain the seven hours to Reese. Her web of lies and deceit, had entwined her into a "sticky" situation. Will Reese be able to forgive her when she finally tell him the truth...about everything? As they say..."A funny thing happened on the way to...?_**


	2. Episode 2: Seven Hours!

_*A fan fiction story based on the Person of Interest characters. I own no copyrights to the characters or show. Thank you. Enjoy. _

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**Fan Fiction Story: Love In Numbers**

**Chapter 5: Christmas in Connecticut**

**Episode 2: Seven Hours!**_ – _**Excerpt from Seven Hours!**

In this Episode, Joss finally tells John that she did not go to Connecticut alone, and the fact that it took her and Beecher seven hours to arrive at a two-hour destination, does not make the situation any better.

_Excerpt: "No…you're right…I don't understand, Joss. So why don't you just enlighten me! Tell me why it took seven damn hours for you to get there! Tell me why you didn't think it was necessary to tell me that Beecher was going with you! Tell me why you feel the need to lie to me! Tell me why…Joss, why should I stay? Tell me!" _

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**Love In Numbers**

**Chapter 5: Christmas in Connecticut**

**Episode 2: Seven Hours!**

John showered, dressed and starting packing things into her SUV, while she took a quick shower and grabbed outfit number two from the closet. Joss hurried and got dressed, feeling faint, her body weak and off balanced from the tumultuous sex they had just had. She was already an hour behind schedule. Now, instead of leaving at three, she was leaving a few minutes after four. She figured she would arrive in Connecticut around six, or a few minutes after. As they finished packing her things into the truck, John did not say a word to her. His cold stares pierced right through her body.

By the time they finished, he seemed more receptive. They stood in front of her truck for a few minutes, both lowering their heads at times, as if searching the ground for words to say. John put his arms around her and looked into her eyes.

_"This is the hard part",_ she thought, staring back up at him. He kissed her tenderly, brushing her hair out of her face from the cold wind sweeping across their bodies. Joss could feel the guilt of what she was about to do, but she did not think that telling him about Beecher would be such a good idea right now.

_"You look worried babe. Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?" _

_"No, I'll be fine. It's only a two-hour drive, John...I'll be fine. _

_"God, I wish you didn't have to go babe."_

They went back inside of the apartment to make sure she had everything. Joss still did not see the need to tell him about Beecher. In her opinion, some things are better left unsaid. _Besides,_ she thought, _it's no big deal. He would probably do the same if he were in her shoes._ Right now, her need to justify deceit was clouding her judgment and the need to see logic and reason, and in relationship terms…that could prove disastrous.

Joss stood at the window watching John inspect the SUV to make sure all was working fine. It had been a long time since she had a man in her life to do things like that for her. It felt so damn good, and looked even better. She took much pleasure and pride in staring at his body, his tall, chiseled, tan physique. She loved the way his body seemed to own the black suits he wear. It was so ironic. There was a time when she hunted the 'man in the suit', now...she has captured him, and he has her under his spell.

She looked down at the ring on her finger for the umpteenth time. In some weird way it made her feel as if they were already married. John entered the apartment, and she turned toward him, trying to smile and hide her emotions. He walked over to her and pulled her into his arms, wrapping them tight around her. He sighed, sounding as if this was the last time they would see each other.

_"I know it's only going to be a week, babe, but that's too long, I,m missing you already", _he said squeezing her even tighter, if at all possible.

_"Same here." Joss_ looked up at him with sad eyes_. "Of course I __**could**__ stay another day, and still be able to spend Christmas with the family." _

She wanted him to tell her to stay, and he wanted to. John could almost hear himself saying the word out loud, as he uttered it to himself. "Stay". The word was hanging on to the tip of his tongue, but he could not do that to her son and mother.

_"I wouldn't dream of it. Your son needs to see you. So, I want you to go, and have a good time…but not too much of a good time…not without me", _he said, smiling down at her as he brushed her hair back.

There was a moment of silence between them as they held each other tight.

_"Merry Christmas, babe." _John gently kissed her on the top her head and walked toward the door.

_"Merry Christmas John."_ She smiled at him and blew him a kiss.

_"You drive carefully. I want you back in one piece."_

_"You can count on it."_

He left the apartment, entered the black sedan he often drove, and headed for the Library. He was hoping Finch would have enough numbers waiting to keep him busy until she returned. Soon afterwards, she left too, and headed toward the address Beecher had given her. She pressed the GPS screen mounted on the dashboard, typed in the street number, and dialed his number.

_"Beecher"_

_"Hi Beecher, it's me, Carter. I'm running a little late, but I'm on my way now. Are you ready to go?"_

_"Ready and waiting Detective."_

Joss really hated what she was doing, and worst of all, she was keeping it from John. She felt a ton of guilt weighing heavy on her heart and mind, and wished she could turn back the clock to that day. She would tell Beecher _'no'_ in a heartbeat. It was too late for that now, she was about ten minutes away from reaching the apartment complex where he said he would be waiting.

She looked at her watch and it was a quarter to five, which would put them in Connecticut a little after seven, give or take a few minutes. Joss kept looking into her rearview and side mirrors, hoping that John was not following her. It would be very hard to explain to him why she was on the other side of town, and not half way to Connecticut by now. Just as she was about to turn the radio on to drown out her thoughts, he called.

_"I know I promised not to call so much, but I can't help it. You have done something bad to me babe...you made me fall in love with you...and I can't think straight." _

_"John…you're making it so hard for me to go you know. Listen, I could turn around right now, if you just say the word."_

_"Not on your life. I'll try not to call again…at least not for the next…shall we say…ten minutes."_ He laughed, but she couldn't.

Joss was feeling guilty as hell. She gripped the steering wheel and clenched her teeth. Joss knew what she had to do. She was going to tell him now. There would be no lies and deceit in their relationship, not if she can help it.

_"John…? John I…I… John? John! Can you hear me?_

Static and bad reception was interfering with the call, making it very hard for her to hear John. She waved her phone around, trying to get him back on the line. She could hear his voice, but his words were broken, inaudible.

_"Joss…Jo…ss…can…you he…ar me? Are yo…u al…l right?...J…oss…Jos…s…"_

Joss tried repeatedly to reach him again and again, but there was no signal. _"Dammit!"_ she yelled and threw the phone down onto the seat next to her.

Meanwhile, Reese sent some information to Finch from his phone. He tapped his earpiece to talk with him.

_"Did you get it Finch? Can you track it for me?"_

_"Yes, Mr. Reese, I did, and I'm checking it for you now. I'll have the information for you when you get here." _

Reese tapped his earpiece to disconnect the call. He sat in the black sedan across from the number he was working for Finch, listening to the conversation between two of the men being tracked. He thought about Joss, and her need to be deceitful. He did not want to do things this way, but she was leaving him no choice.

Joss pulled up in front of his sister apartment, and Beecher was standing near the gate smiling and waving. She wanted to floor the gas and just keep driving right past him, but she slowly pulled the vehicle up next to him, and he hopped in, and secured himself with the seatbelt.

_"How's it going Detective? You're looking as beautiful as ever today."_ He said, smiling at her with lust written all over his face.

She had seen the same look on many of the cops at the Precinct. Joss was not in the mood for his bullshit right now. She had other things on her mind.

_"Can it Beecher." _

_"Know…I mean it Detective. You're a very classy, beautiful woman, if you don't mind my saying so."_

_"I'd rather you didn't, but thanks for the compliment anyway."_

Joss knew that this was going to be one hell of a long road trip, especially if he was going to keep saying shitty stuff like that. Suddenly, he said something that almost made her heart stop beating.

_"I called you early this morning, Carter, didn't you get my message?"_ he asked.

She pulled the truck over to the side of the road, stopping abruptly. Joss searched frantically for her phone, and remembered she had thrown it down onto the seat where he was sitting.

_"Move your ass!"_ she shouted, digging beneath him for the phone. Beecher lifted his body up slightly and she grabbed it from beneath him. Joss slid her fingers up and down the screen, searching through her messages, while Beecher looked on in total confusion, wondering what in the hell was going on with her.

_"What's wrong Detective Carter? Did I do or say something wrong? _

She glared coldly up at him, and back down at the phone. There was no message from him anywhere in the list. There was no trace of him having called at all.

_"What time did you send the message Beecher?"_ she asked looking worried.

_"I think it was around seven-thirty or eight, why? Is something wrong Carter?"_

_"What did you say in the message?"_

Joss looked at him, her eyes pleading for it to be something inconspicuous. Hoping he did not mention his name in the message, just in case John read it.

_"I don't exactly remember. Wait…let me check my phone. It should still be there." _

Beecher pulled his phone from his coat pocket and scrolled through the messages, but it was not there. _"That's funny"_, he said, looking over at her. _"I can usually go right to the last message I send out, but it's only showing a message I sent to my sister yesterday as the last message." _He put the phone back into his pocket and looked over at Joss. Her eyes were filled with suspicion.

_"Detective Carter are you sure you're alright? Did I do something wrong?_ He asked, repeating the question again.

Joss had a nagging feeling that something was not right, but she had given Beecher too much time as it is, and was definitely not going to allow him to snoop around into her personal affairs. She looked at him with no expression on her face at all.

_"It's nothing Beecher…don't worry about it." _

Back at the Library, Reese had just finished wrapping up the last number, and arrived back at the Library. Finch handed him a sheet of paper.

_"Is this what you're looking for, Mr. Reese?"_

Reese scanned the information on the sheet of paper. He rubbed his chin and studied it for a moment.

_"Yeah. Thanks Harold. It's just what I thought."_ He sat down in a chair next to Finch and lowered his head.

_"Is everything all right?"_ Finch asked, knowing that the information on the paper, was upsetting to Reese, but he had no clue why. "_If you don't mind my asking Mr. Reese…what's this all about?"_

Reese looked over at him and cracked a faint smile. _"It's nothing Harold. I can handle it. _He stood and walked over to the glass board._ So, do you have another number for me?"_

Finch limped over to the glass board and taped a photo on it. _"Glad you asked Mr. Reese."_ He tapped the photo with his finger as Reese looked on. The female in the photo was beautiful and sexy.

_"Wow…who is she?"_ Reese asked, placing his finger on her face in the photo.

"This…Mr. Reese, is Miss. Zoe Morgan. A high priced "fixer" of all things scandalous."

_"And I suppose you have something in mind, so that I can get close to her, right?"_ He looked at Finch and smiled.

An hour later, using the alias, **_'Vehicle for Hire Services'_**, it was Reese job to drive Miss. Morgan from one place to the next. After dropping her off to meet with a few of her shady clients, he soon realized the dangers lurking around what she did for a living.

He had driven Zoe to meet with her last client for the night, and dropped her off at the hotel suite, where she was staying. Reese watched her as she walked up the steps to the front door of the expensive hotel. She was quite the looker. Tall, slender, sexy and seductive, all rolled up into one. He would be telling a lie if he said she did not excite him a little.

Reese returned to the Library to wait until it was time for him to pick her up again. Finch had discovered some alarming information pertaining to Miss. Morgan. He informed Reese about one of Zoe's clients, Mr. Mark Lawson, CFO, and heir to Virtanen Pharmaceuticals.

_"It seems, Mr. Reese, that someone wants Miss. Morgan, dead." _Reese was standing over Finch, who was looking up at him.

_"Who?"_

Finch tapped the keys on the keyboard, with accuracy and speed.

_"That's what I'm searching for right now, Mr. Reese. If I can pull up her case file, maybe we can trace it to whoever wants her dead. With the Detectives out of town for the holidays, it's taking longer to find all of the information we need. Wait a minute…I think I got something here."_

_"What is it Finch?"_Reese asked, his eyes stretched wide, anxious to see what he had found.

_"It appears that her client, Mr. Lawson, was not pleased with Miss. Morgan's services, and blames her for not 'fixing' the scandal him and his company was involved in. Several people overheard him tell her that he will make her pay for what she had done to him and his family."_

_"So how do we find this Mr. Lawson? Can you track him?"_

Finch and Reese worked tirelessly to try to track down Mr. Lawson's whereabouts. They needed to find out who he hired to knock off Zoe. About thirty minutes later, Reese phone rang and it was Zoe. She needed him to pick her up immediately.

Meanwhile, Joss and Detective Beecher appeared to be having a nice time. He really had a good sense of humor. It was almost five-thirty, and they had about an hour and forty-five minutes to go, before reaching their destinations. Joss was taken aback when she found out that Beecher's parents lived only twenty minutes from where her mother lived. They searched their minds trying to think if maybe they had bumped into each other at one time or another, and was not aware of it. The snow was beginning to drift down faster and thicker, making visibility somewhat of a strain.

_"This really don't look too good Detective. I'll drive for awhile if you want me to."_ Beecher said, rubbing the window with his sleeve to try to get a better view of the road.

_"All right, sounds good to me. I need to stop at the next gas station anyway, and fill up. Maybe there's a restaurant nearby, we can grab something to eat. I'm starving."_

Joss tapped the digital screen on her dashboard to listen to the latest weather report. Seems they were heading right into a snowstorm. She pulled into a gas station, about a mile down the road from an Arby's restaurant. The wind was blowing hard and it was cold as hell outside. She had no intentions of getting out of the truck, not unless she had to, so Beecher pumped the gas and paid for it with his credit card.

After filling the truck up with gas, they headed for the restaurant, both hungry and a little tired. They went inside and sat at a table near the back, away from the cold wind of the door opening and closing. Joss ordered a roast beef sandwich with Swiss cheese, and a diet Pepsi. Beecher went all out. He ordered a double cheeseburger with everything on it, except onions. His choice of drink...Sprite.

They laughed and ate, talking about everything from sports to politics. The conversation got a little serious when they began to talk about relationships. Beecher told her about his quick marriage and equally as quick...divorce, and how he found out a year later that his ex wife got married again, and had a baby. Then it got personal.

_"So, is there a man in your life Carter? I mean, a woman as beautiful and sexy as you are, I can't imagine that there isn't anyone."_

Joss looked up at him and smiled, but she did not volunteer any information. Her personal life was hers, something she did not share with anybody. She got up from the table and excused herself, to take a bathroom break before leaving the restaurant. While waiting for her to return, he looked down at his watch. He remembered that she said she wanted to get to her mother's apartment by seven o'clock, but it was already seven fifty-five.

Once they were back on the road, Joss tapped her music player, and one of her favorite songs began to play. This R&B crooner, definitely had a way with words that put _"ass" in p_**ass**_ion_, as her aunt always say.

**_...The Agony and The Ecstasy..._**

As words to the song echoed through her ears, taking refuge in her head, Joss could not stop thinking about John, and the wild, passionate ways in which he often made love to her. Even when he was demanding and rough, his ability to please her sexually, was always on cue, giving one hundred percent of himself to her every time. She twirled the ring on her finger, leaned back and closed her eyes, letting the soft music and words to the song, take her back to her apartment, back to her bedroom, back into John's arms.

**_…Smokey's voice was so soft, soft seductive, so soothing…as if he was whispering the words into her ear, telling her to listen…to what I am saying…_**

_…"What's it all about…this crazy love…how did…our two worlds entwine? How do I fit in…to your life? How did…you get into mine? I belong to someone else we know. Back when first we met…we thought for fun…one night…together might be nice. But fun turned into love…for both of us…so now we pay…forbidden lover's price. Cause love like ours is never ever free…you pay some agony…for the ecstasy."_

Joss could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. She missed John so much. As she drowned herself in woes, Beecher glanced over at her and smiled. The song was sending chills up his spine. It was definitely a song for lovers. She pulled out her phone and typed a short sweet message to John.

_"I love you so much…always." _

She sent the message to him, leaned back again and smiled, thinking of how he would react. She did not hear Beecher calling her name. He tapped her on the shoulder and jolted her back into reality.

_"Wow…whoever this guy is, he really must be someone special."_

_"He is…very special."_

_"I love you more babe…forever." _Reese responded.

Joss leaned back and closed her eyes, once again. They had finally arrived in Connecticut, and amid the heavy snowfall and blinking traffic lights, the streets were not as congested as they thought. There were a few accidents and cop cars in the area, but not many.

Thirty minutes later, Beecher pulled up in front of a large, white two-story house, with Christmas decorations lit up everywhere.

_"What the…hell…"_ Carter said, her mouth agape and eyes wide opened. _"Did they leave anything in the store?"_

Beecher was laughing his ass off. He had grown accustom to his mother's need to go all out with decorations for the holidays.

_"This is how she rolls Carter. Hell, you should see what she does around Easter. There's usually a gigantic Holy bible sitting on the front lawn." _

They could not stop laughing, especially when the gigantic Santa began to sing_ "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer". _Joss thought she would bust a gut from laughing so hard. As the laughter began to cease, he looked over at her and smiled. 

_"Do you want to come inside for a few minutes, and meet my folks? _He asked leaning in close to her.

Joss thought about if for a few seconds, but she really needed to get to her mother's before it got too late. She had to admit to herself that she had a nice time driving to Connecticut with Beecher, better than she expected.

_"I appreciate the offer Beecher, but I really need to get going. Maybe before we leave in a few days, I'll get to meet your folks."_

She smiled at Beecher and could see him leaning closer to her. Suddenly, it was as if everything happened in slow motion. Beecher lips gently pressed up against hers, and in a split second, they were kissing each other. It was not a sweet little peck, but a long, wet, passion filled kiss. It could easily be blamed on Smokey, or the laughter and fun they had, but it happened, and neither of them pulled quickly away from the passion.

When she realized what she was doing, Joss pulled away and put her hand up to her mouth. She looked shocked and confused. How could she let another man kiss her like that? What was she thinking? Why did she kiss him back? One question after another raced through her mind as tears began to well up in her eyes. Beecher dropped his head, apologizing for the unexpected kiss.

_"Look…I'm sorry Carter…I…I don't know what came over me…please…I am sorry."_

She looked at him, still looking shocked and feeling totally confused. Joss shook her head rapidly, her hand still up to her mouth. She got out and walked around to the driver's side of the truck. Beecher had already gotten out of the truck and was standing near the opened door. She slid into the driver's seat, uttering not a word, as she slammed the car door shut and just sat there, not moving, with only a blank expression on her face.

Beecher felt terrible and was trying over and over again to apologize for his behavior, but she ignored him, partly because she was ashamed of what she let him do, and partly because she felt just as guilty.

_"Carter…please…I apologize…I didn't mean to kiss you like that…" _He said as he placed his hand on the window, begging her to look at him.

Joss quickly turned and looked at Beecher, and he could see the tears in her eyes. She started the truck and backed out of the driveway, with Beecher staring at her as she drove away. He put both hands on top of his head, and bent down as if agonizing over what he had done.

Twenty minutes later, Joss pulled up into the parking lot of her mother's apartment complex. It was a huge, brownstone, gated community. She loved the fact that it was inhabited with mostly elderly people. She looked at her watch. and it was fifteen minutes past eleven. What should have been only a two-hour drive, had now turned into seven hours. There was no way in hell she was going to be able to explain that many hours to anyone.

Joss was about to gather a few things into her hands, when her phone rang. It was John. She stared down at the phone sitting in the cup-holder, where she had left it, and was afraid to answer. She knew she had to answer it. Knowing John as she did, he would just keep calling. She slowly picked it up and pressed the talk button.

_"Hello beautiful", _John said in his usual deep, sexy voice.

She wanted to go through the phone, grab him and kiss him.

_"God I miss you John. I wish that I could come home right now."_

_"I miss you too babe. Are you settled in yet? How's Taylor and your mother?"_

_"I ah…I just got here...John. They don't know that I'm here. I was about to go inside though."_

A minute of silence fell upon them…for sixty, agonizing seconds, neither of them said a word. The silence was so deafening, Joss jumped when she heard John's voice speak again.

_"Oh…I see", _he said, pausing for a moment.

_"Tell me…Joss…Do you need to talk to me?" _His voice went from pleasant to stern. She knew that he was getting upset, and she had no believable answers for why she was seven hours late getting to Connecticut.

_"John…I can't …"_

_"All right…let me make it simple for you. Did you have some sort of trouble on the way?"_

_"No, there was no trouble, but…just let me…"_

_"No trouble…but it took you seven hours to get there, Joss…Seven!"_

_"John…you don't understand…."_

_"No…you're right…I don't understand, so why don't you just enlighten me! Tell me why it took seven damn hours for you to get there! Tell me why you didn't think it was necessary to tell me that Beecher was going with you! Tell me why you feel the need to lie to me! Tell me why…Joss…why should I stay? Tell me…" _

_"But…but…How? How did you know…?"_

_"Does it matter?"_

_"I can explain, John, please…don't do this…"_

_"It doesn't matter anymore, Joss…let it go."_

_"John…please…"_

_"Dammit! Joss...Let it go!...just…let it go." _

_"No!...not until I explain…John…I…"_

_"Jocelyn!" _

Again, a deafening silence invaded the space between them. This time it was longer, filled with suffocating agony, and feelings of defeat. John spoke again, but he spoke with subdued calm. He spoke with closure.

_"I can't do this anymore…Joss…I can't. I cannot deal with…lies…and deceit. I cannot…do another broken heart!...I'm sorry…but…I can't do this anymore." _

He tapped his earpiece to disconnect the call. Joss laid her head down onto the steering wheel. She could not breathe, fighting hard against the tears welling up in her eyes, but she could not stop them from falling. Her heart ached. Her mind was in total chaos. How could she go on without him? How could she have been so stupid to think that hiding this from John was not a bad thing? She moved her head from side to side, caught in her own deep thoughts and guilt.

Joss leaned back, her head resting on the back of the car seat, her eyes closed, with a steady flow of tears running down her face. He had never called her Jocelyn before. She could hear the hurt in his voice. Once again, she had managed to fuck things up. She knew him. She knew what he liked and did not like. She knew that John hated being, lied, to.

**Episode 3: Making Amends**

**Excerpts from Episode 3: Making Amends**

_"Do you love her, Mr. Reese? My mom…Do you love her?"_

_"Yes I do son. I love your mother very much. I love her more than you can ever imagine. She means everything to me, and I would love for us to be a family one day Taylor."_

_"Then, can you tell me, sir, why she is so upset? I mean, she's been crying herself to sleep since she got here. Why?"_


	3. Episode 3: Making Amends

_*A fan fiction story based on the Person of Interest characters. I own no copyrights to the characters or show. Thank you. Enjoy. _

* * *

**POI Fan Fiction Story: Love In Numbers**

**Chapter 5: Christmas in Connecticut**

**Episode 3: Making Amends**_ – In this Episode - Tempers will flare as John let's his anger get the best of him. Joss tells Taylor about her and John's relationship. Questions arise around what may have occurred between Joss and Beecher in the seven hour delay. John fights against his insecurities. Not wanting to give in to defeat and make the same mistake he made with Jessica. Taylor calls John and confronts him, and gets a small lesson in relationship issues, creating a bond between them that will only grow stronger and bring them closer together. Beecher discovers just how far John will go to protect his relationship with Joss, and to protect her. _

* * *

_**Excerpt from "Making Amends"**_

_"Listen Taylor…I'm going to be straight with you. I know your concerns are genuine, and when it comes to your mother, I know that you will do whatever you have to do to protect her, and so will I. In relationships, the same applies. When you love someone you will do whatever you have to do to protect that love, to protect the person you love."_

* * *

**Chapter 5: Christmas in Connecticut**

**Episode 3: Making Amends**

The deafening silence inside the truck soon gave way to repeated taps on the window. It was Taylor, standing at the door with a wide grin on his face. She quickly wiped the tears from her eyes, steadied her posture, and smiled back at him. Both were fingering with the door handle trying to open it quickly. Joss jumped out of the truck and into her son's arms, kissing his cheeks repeatedly. It was as if she hadn't seen her son in years. Taylor means everything to her. He is her life. As she stood there staring at her son, hugging and kissing him, she began to sum up her world…in a nutshell.

_..."She knew this feeling at this moment. She knew how to be a mother, how to raise a child, how to feel unconditional love from her son, how to love him back unconditionally. This…this was familiar to her. This…this was what she does best. Not heartbreaks, not fighting with lovers, not relationship issues. That…she didn't do well. That…was too complicated, too time consuming, too restricted."..._

As her thoughts faded, her eyes focused back onto her handsome son, yapping away about everything, and then again…about nothing. She didn't care, as long as she was here now, here with Taylor and her mother to enjoy the Christmas holiday.

What she needed now was to feel and be loved, feel and be wanted, feel and be needed. She touched her son's face with the kind of love and gentleness that could only come from the touch of a mother's hand. Taylor had grown into a handsome young man right before her eyes. At only seventeen, he towered over her and she found herself having to look up at him. Somehow, she managed to mask her pain, and wear a bright smile for her son and mother, but her heart was heavy, her mind restless. Joss didn't want to think about that right now. She just wanted to focus on them and have a good time.

_"God I missed you Taylor"_, she said her arms around him, his arms around her waist.

_"Missed you too mom. Wow! You shouldn't have. All of these gifts are for me…right?" _

_"Noooo…'T'…grandma has a few gifts in there too."_

Her mother was standing in the doorway smiling and waiting for her with open arms. She had been worried all day, especially after Joss called and said she'd be there by seven o'clock. Every hour that she hadn't arrived, was an hour too late for her mother, who was beside herself with worry. As soon as Joss stepped inside the apartment, her mother let her know just how worried she'd been, but not before hugging her daughter and showering her with repeated pecks on her cheeks.

Once Taylor finished unloading all of the packages from the truck, the three of them sat around the living room talking, sipping hot cocoa, coffee, and taste-testing foods that her mother prepared for Christmas dinner.

The seven foot, beautifully decorated tree, was as picture-perfect as ever. Her mother loved decorating the Scotch pine every year. And to make sure it arrived on time, she would order it at the start of November. It had become sort of a ritual, and she absolutely loved the smell of fresh pine scenting up the apartment with a mountainous aroma.

It was almost one o'clock in the morning before Joss and her mother went upstairs to bed. She knew that her mother was an _"early to bed, early to rise"_ kind of woman, so staying up until almost one in the morning, was so far out of her comfort zone and routine schedule.

Standing in her old bedroom, Joss couldn't help but notice that it looked as if time had stood still. It was beautiful, inviting and cozy, just as she remembered. The beautiful bay window still lined with big fluffy pillows. The elegant, tufted lounge chaise in the corner of the room, adjacent to the window. Even the huge king size, brown-cherry sleigh bed still looked brand new. Everything was exactly as she remembered. It was beautiful.

Later, as she lay in bed thinking of what had transpired between her and John, she still didn't see anything wrong with what she had done. It wasn't her fault that John had insecurities that he didn't know how to control, hell…that was something he'd have to deal with, not her. She engaged herself in mental monologue, trying to figure it out. Joss wondered who in his life could have abandoned him, left him for someone...

"_Oh hell…that's it! Jessica!"_

She remembered the night John told her about Jessica, and the meeting between the two of them in the airport that day.

_…"Jessica!…how she had moved on, became engaged to someone else, even after he'd told her to wait for him…dammit! This is what it's all about! Jessica! She did this to him. She left him with these twisted emotions and insecurities!" …_

Joss knew that his insecurities were going to be a big problem if they didn't get a handle on it. The monologue continued in her mind, the answers she seeked, slowly surfacing. She understood it clearly now…the emotions of rage and jealousy John sometimes portrayed.

_…"He's fighting against his own insecurities. Fighting against being hurt once by someone he loved. Fighting against being pushed out of Jessica's life, only to be replaced by another man."…_

Finally, Joss got it! This shit was real, it was happening, and it was happening to them.

_…"Jessica hurt him, she clipped the hell out of him, and knew that he would not let another woman hurt him again. She knew he would shut down his heart and soul to keep from losing out on love again."… _

Joss sat up and leaned her back against the headboard. Her mind was deep in thought. She had just concluded where the heart of the problem begun. For once, she felt that there was an answer, a reason, as she continued the monologue in her head.

_…"There was one thing that Jessica missed out on. She didn't figure on someone entering John's life after her. Someone who would be able to tap into his mind and touch his heart in the most simplest of ways. Jessica didn't count on there being someone who would make him sit up and take notice, think twice, feel again. No…she didn't count on that. She counted on John never loving again, never feeling loved again."…_

She eased back down under the covers, feeling much better about a lot of things, and feeling that she understood John a little better.

It still wasn't easy for her to come to grips with the fact that she was in a _real…emotionally driven, relationship_. She had become so accustom to the single parent lifestyle, she had almost forgotten the do's and don'ts of being in a relationship. The way she saw it, it was no big deal to let Beecher ride to Connecticut with her. It was no big deal to let him kiss her and she kiss him back. But not John…he saw it as intrusion, disrespect.

She could still feel the sting of the last words he said to her, and even though she had been calling and sending messages to his phone since their last conversation, he simply chose to ignore them. This was exactly the reason why she didn't tell him about Beecher. And as far as she was concerned, both her and John were to blame. At least thinking of it in that way gave her a little peace of mind. She was finally able to relax and get some well deserved sleep.

**_...Meanwhile...two hours away in New York City..._**

John was dropping Zoe Morgan off at her suite. It was two-thirty in the morning. She had been called in to clean up a nasty little scandal between a well-known prominent Judge, and his sexy little Courtroom Stenographer.

It seems she was doing more than just taking shorthand with the Judge, after normal working hours, to be exact. There were a whole lot of keynotes banged in the chamber late at night, and according to _'sweetie', his pet name for her_, the Judge was hitting all of the right notes, that is…until his wife walked in on them.

Zoe did something she had never done before. She broke the code of confidentiality, and shared the story with John, while getting plastered in the back seat of the black BMW he was driving. When they arrived at her hotel suite she could barely stand, let alone walk.

He opened the car door and she fell into his arms. Zoe looked up at him, her eyes glazed over, her breath smelling of expensive wine, and her fur coat dangling off her shoulder, pulling the low-cut dress she was wearing right along with it, revealing just a small portion of her breasts.

_"You're a very…sexy man… Mr. Mr. What in the hell did you say your name was again?"_ She asked, looking up at him confused and plastered.

John smiled and gave her a fictitious name. Zoe smiled back at him and dropped her head. She had enough wine in her to send at least six people off feeling happy.

He leaned her against the car, and neatly secured and straightened her clothes. He placed his arm around her waist and walked her up to the doorway of the expensive hotel. The Hotel Doorman could plainly see that she was plastered. He smiled at John, tipped his hat and opened the door for them. People in the lobby didn't seem to care. A few looked back with their mouths agape and eyes stretched wide, but many just walked right past them as they entered the elevator.

After he laid her down on the couch in the room, and removed her shoes, he called downstairs for room service to bring up a fresh pot of hot coffee as quickly as possible. Within minutes there was a knock at the door. He opened it and a hotel housekeeper was standing in front of a cart with coffee and other much needed items, including a bottle of aspirins. She was about to roll the cart into the room, but he intervened. John gave the housekeeper a nice tip, thanked her and closed the door behind her.

Zoe had already staggered up from the couch and slipped out of her dress. She was lying across the bed partially nude, wearing only a short white slip, nothing more, nothing less.

_"Well, Mr. John, aren't you going to join me?"_ she asked seductively, licking her lips and inching her slip up toward her jewels as if she was inviting him to just dive right in. He walked over to the bed and threw the covers up over her legs.

_"You need to sleep it off. I'll get a cup of coffee for you."_

_"I don't want no damn coffee!" _she shouted at him, but John ignored her.

He walked over to the cart, poured her a cup, and took it back over to her. Zoe shook her head and waved her hands, trying to wave him and the cup of coffee away. That was definitely not what she wanted. What she wanted was John Reese. He turned away from her and placed the cup of coffee down on the nightstand. While he was doing so, Zoe kneeled in the center of the bed and removed her slip. She was naked from the top of her head, down to her feet.

_"That's not the kind of heat I want John."_ She whispered soft and seductive.

He turned around quickly, just as she was stumbling out of the bed. She wrapped her arms around his neck, trying desperately to kiss him, but John kept moving his face away from hers. He pulled at her arms trying to release them from his neck. Each time he would get one of her arms down, she would reach between his legs and grab a handful of his crotch and every thing penetrable.

_"Wow…is all that for me big fellow?"_ she asked licking her lips.

_"Look…you really need to sleep it off."_ he said as he finally was able to pry one of her arms from his neck.

_"I will if you'll join me John…I promise, I'll be a '__**good**__' little girl…" _

She was definitely persistent, if nothing else. The touch of her hand each time she grabbed his crotch, he had to admit, was stimulating, and he knew she could feel what was happening to him, but he definitely was not interested in having sex with her. For almost ten minutes John struggled with Zoe, trying to shake her loose from his body.

Finally, he was able to free himself completely from her grip and prying hands. He had to manhandle her a little to get her back into the bed, and cover her naked body. Soon afterwards…she passed out. John collapsed down on the couch, grabbed his head and shook it from side to side as he glanced over at her sleeping soundly. He stayed with Zoe for another thirty minutes before leaving her alone to sleep it off.

Later, back at his loft, John laid in bed wrestling with the thoughts in his mind. It was almost four in the morning and he couldn't sleep. All he could think about was Joss, their relationship, the lies and deceit. He had already drank two glasses of Vodka, straight, no chasers, and he still couldn't sleep.

He was angry with her. Angry because she felt the need to lie to him, angry because she was allowing another man to enter into their relationship, angry because this was the second time she had forbade him from acting on his feelings and emotions. He was trying damn hard to respect her wishes, restrict his feelings, his emotions, limit his need to ask questions when he felt unsure about something.

John could accept the fact that she lied about Beecher riding to Connecticut with her, but not this. He could not accept her sordid reason and need to forbade him from questioning her motives, questioning the seven hours her and Beecher spent alone. There was only so much he could take, and he had just about reached his damn limit with her!

It was consuming his thoughts…seven hours…alone together. John wondered what they had done **with** each other…**to** each other. He poured himself another glass of Vodka, and guzzled it down quickly. He wanted to sleep and not think about it anymore. He laid in the bed, tossing, turning, drenched in sweat from the heat of the Vodka running through his veins. Every time he closed his eyes he could picture the two of them making love. He could picture Beecher kissing her, making loving to her, doing things to her that she had allowed only him to do.

"_Dammit Joss!"_ he yelled as he grabbed his head and sat up on the side of the bed.

Until she could tell him something different, his mind was filled with the worse imaginable thoughts a man could ever have about the woman he loves, and that was a fucking dangerous place to be.

Finch warned him about trying to live a normal life. He told him that there would be too much at stake if he tried to have a normal life with someone, do normal things, have normal emotions and feelings. Maybe Finch was right when he said that his life wasn't his anymore. The world he once knew, exists no more.

_"Why didn't he listen to Finch? Why didn't he just walk away when he had the chance?"_

The agony of defeat was beating the hell out of John. Never had he let a woman prank his heart and mind so easily and deep, rendering his mind unthinkable, his jealous emotions unstoppable. There was no way in hell he was going to let her do that to him.

But John was not ready to give up on what they had. Not ready to let another man do this to him again. He thought about how he had given up on Jessica. Maybe she would still be alive, had he fought for her, had he stayed for her, had he loved her just a little bit more, and put '**_her'_** before anything else in his life.

This time…this time he would be the one to stay...and not give up, stay...and not walk away from love, stay...and not let another man take the woman he love away from him. John picked up his phone and dialed her number. He was definitely not in a good mood, and he wanted to hear no bullshit excuses. He just wanted answers. He wanted the truth.

**_...Meanwhile, in Connecticut..._**

Joss had finally, almost fallen asleep. One eyelid was down, and the other was gaining ground, heading in that direction. She could swear she heard the faint ringing of a phone in the far distance of her mind, but she wasn't sure. She leaned over toward the nightstand, and tried to focus her half-closed eyes on her phone. Joss fingered around until she was able to grasp it in her hand. Half awake, half asleep, she answered the call without checking the name of the caller.

_"Hello…" _she answered in a groggy tone.

"_Did you sleep with him?"_ John asked trying to hold back his anger.

_"Wh…What?..."_

_"Answer me Joss…Did you sleep with him? Did you let him fuck you?"_

_"What in the…John!...What are you…Are you out of your damn mind?"_

_"No…not yet. Now answer me dammit! Did you sleep with Cal Beecher?!"_

He was angry as hell and he wanted answers. If he couldn't sleep, then dammit…she was not going to sleep either. Not until she told him what he wanted to hear, and what he wanted to hear…was what he had pictured happening between them in his mind.

_"You've got to be kidding!…It's almost five o'clock in the damn morning John, and you're asking me if I fucked someone? You know what….you need to calm down. I can't talk to you like this!"_

_"You can't talk to me like this? Ok…tell me this then dammit! Did you talk to him last night Joss?…when he was fucking you…Did you talk to him?"_

_"You know what John, fuck you! If this is what you think of me, then __**fuck…you!**__"_

_"Dammit Joss! No! You don't get off that easy! You are _**not**_ going to make me feel guilty for the shit you pulled last night. If I have to come there, you __**will**__ talk to me! Either we talk now…or I'm coming to get you! Call it…!"_

John was pacing back and forth in his bedroom, his muscles flexing, his body tight, hardened by the anger of sordid images racing through his mind.

Joss sat up in bed…preparing for a fight…fuming...because he called and woke her up after she had fought for hours to fall asleep. Fuming...because within minutes he had gone from accusing her of sleeping with Beecher, to…accusing her of talking to him while he fucked her!

"_Who in the hell did he think he was, accusing her of some shit like that?!" _she uttered to herself.

She leaned her back against the headboard, propped a few pillows behind her head, and prepared to battle it out with him over the phone.

_"Ok…let's talk John! If that's what you want to do…let's talk about it right now dammit!" _

_"Tell me the truth Joss!"_

_"And…dare I ask…What in the hell would that be?" _

_"I want to know why it took you and Cal Beecher seven damn hours to get to Connecticut. Where were you? What in the hell were you and Beecher doing for seven fucking hours Joss?"_

She leaned her head down on her knees. Joss knew that this conversation was not going anywhere. She held the phone in her hand and said nothing for at least a minute.

_"Joss!…I know you're there…Talk to me!…I just want answers…the truth. Dammit...You owe me that much!"_

She was pissed as hell with him right now. Joss knew that in his state of mind, telling him the truth would not be what he **wanted** to hear. She could tell that he'd been drinking something from the slur in his voice. Once and for all, she was going to tell him what he **want** to hear, and let him figure out if it's true or not.

_"What do you want me to say John? Do you want me to tell you that we fucked each others brains out? Huh?…Would that make you feel better? Do you want me to say that…Yes…he screwed me good and I loved every damn minute of it! Is that what you want me to say, John? Is that what you want to hear? Do it make you feel any damn better?!"_

_ "Bullshit! Joss!" _he yelled, but right at that moment she ended the call.

John was quiet. He was sitting on the side of his bed with both hands up to his mouth, clasped together, his mind asking questions that had no answers. He lowered his head running his hands back and forth over it. Suddenly…as if he was releasing all of his anger out on the phone, he threw it with force, across the room, smattering it against the wall. John dressed quickly, grabbed his keys and left, driving with no direction or destination in mind. All he wanted to do was get out of that room, clear his mind, release his anger.

It was seven in the morning and John had managed to screw up her day. Joss could see how the lies and deceit was making things worse between them. How could she tell him now, why it took so long for them to reach Connecticut? It would never trust her again if he knew the truth. There was no way that she would ever be able to tell him if whether everything she had just said to him was true or not…never. There would be no way she could ever explain it. She would never be able to explain the emotional weakness of an unplanned moment. The uncertainty of it all, the doubt, the guilt.

Christmas morning chimed in with Connecticut church bells ringing everywhere. Kids were out early riding around on shiny new bicycles, rolling around on skateboards, and pulling shiny red wagons. The local carolers were going door-to-door, singing Christmas songs and trying to dodge a few unruly bad boys with piles of snowballs, ready and waiting to pounce on anyone in their sight.

The mouthwatering aromas of freshly baked breads, gingerbread cookies, spiced cakes, pumpkin and apple pies, plum pudding and honey-glazed baked hams, among other delicious holiday foods, filled the air and every household.

Even the best of dieters and health food fanatics were being held captive to the enticing aromas of holiday cooking. Many swore religiously that they would not be eating much, while others were stupid enough to make small wagers, making those who challenged them, a whole lot happier and richer on Christmas day.

Joss was standing on the screened-in patio of her mother's brownstone, sipping a cup of hot cocoa topped with marshmallows and a dash of cinnamon. She was looking out at the happy faces of kids from all races and ages, as they playing together without a care in the world.

The festively dressed carolers and neighbors were stopping and speaking to one another. It was indeed a melting pot of beauty and tranquility. Far away from the intense fight she had with John earlier. If this was how hard it was going to be to have a relationship…she was sure as hell rethinking it.

Taylor eased up behind his mom and wrapped his arms around her. He was so glad she was there and so was she. He kissed her on the cheek and took the hot cup of cocoa from her hands, making it his own. Joss looked at him and smiled.

_"T"_ she said, calling him by her pet name for him since age two.

_"Sorry Ma, but it always seems to taste better after you've drank some from the cup." _

They laughed it off and went inside to share blessings and open gifts. Her mother was in the kitchen pouring a cup of coffee when Joss walked up to her, kissed her on the cheek and wished her a _Merry Christmas_.

_"Come on grandma", _Taylor said,_ it's time to open gifts." _

Everything from jewelry, to bathrobes, gowns and slippers, an IPad, a new cell phone, gift cards and clothes, were given as gifts that morning. It felt so good to laugh, to give and receive, and enjoy the festivities and delicious foods of the holiday.

For the remainder of the day, Joss greeted family members, friends and neighbors, exchanging gifts and food. But no one was more anxious for guests to leave than she was. Not that John didn't contribute to it, but she had an awful, pounding headache that would not go away, and aspirins were not helping.

Back in New York, after Reese drove around the city clearing his mind, he ended up sleeping over at the Library. When Finch arrived he was a little surprised to see him there. Later, they exchanged gifts. Finch received an expensive, one of a kind book to add to his growing collection, and Reese received man's best friend, a pet dog he named **_'Bear'_**.

When John arrived at the hotel to pick up Zoe, as she had requested, she was not there. She had already checked out and was on a plane headed to California to bring resolution to her next 'fix'. Zoe left a note at the front desk with specific instructions to give it to John Reese, and John Reese only.

Moments later he was sitting in the car with the note from Zoe in his hand. It smelled of expensive perfume. The note was short, sweet and to the point.

_"Dear John, I'm sorry about last night. I can only imagine what you must think of me. Normally, I'm not like that. Waking up naked under the covers were a sure sign that you are truly a gentleman among few. The opportunity was there, but you declined, and for that, I thank you. Hope to get together with you again, soon. I think you're quite the catch, and I for one, would love to be your captor. See you soon, I hope. Zoe." _

Reese smiled as he folded the piece of paper and stuck it into his coat pocket. He closed his eyes and inhaled the lingering scent of her perfume from the note. He knew that he had not heard the last from Miss. Zoe Morgan, and they would definitely meet again.

For the remainder of the day...Joss, Taylor, and her mother enjoyed spending time together, even though her calls and messages to John, continued to go unanswered. She was beginning to feel as if maybe she had destroyed their relationship, if so...it wouldn't be the worst to ever happen to her.

In three days she would be leaving Connecticut and returning to New York. It was time to sit down with Taylor and have a nice long talk. Joss was sitting on the patio, thumbing through the December issue of Ebony magazine. For as long as she could remember, her mom was a devoted subscriber. She was sipping on a cup of freshly brewed coffee, and nibbling on a slice of her mom's mouthwatering sweet potato pie. It seems that half the neighborhood had stopped by to get a slice.

Taylor walked out onto the patio, leaned down and kissed his mother on the cheek. He sat down in a chair across from her, smiling with curiosity in his eyes.

_"Grandma said you wanted to talk to me mom?"_ he asked.

_"Yeah baby, there's something I need to talk to you about. It's very important 'T'."_

Joss closed the magazine and placed it on the table. She could tell from the look in his eyes that he was curious and anxious, so she was not going to beat around the bush with what she had to tell him.

_"Listen sweetie…I'm just going to be honest with you. I think you're mature enough to understand a few things now, and I don't want to keep secrets from you, so…here goes. I've met someone 'T', and he means a lot to me. In fact, I love him very much and he's in love with me."_

The look in his eyes was a mixture of confusion and joy at the same time. Joss could see that Taylor had many questions to ask and she hoped that she would be able to answer them.

_"Is it that badass dude who rescued me that night?"_

_"What?...How did you know?" _She was surprised when he asked that question.

_"Come on mom…I'm not that naïve. I've seen the way the two of you look at each other. I've known for awhile now that you guys share more than just a friendship and working relationship._

Joss couldn't believe what she was hearing. She felt so out of touch with her son right now. How could she have missed the fact that he wasn't a little boy anymore? He had grown into a young adult and was discovering things around him. What else was she unaware of in her son's life?

_"Really? So, are you ok with that?"_

Taylor reached across the table and held his mother's hands. He squeezed them tight and smiled at her. There was a lot he had to say, and he couldn't have picked a more perfect time to say it.

"_Look mom, you deserve to be happy. You have given me everything I could ever hope for in my seventeen years of life. Without you, I wouldn't be who I am today. Mom…you have always been here for me, especially after dad died, and frankly speaking…as a son to a mother, you will always be my special girl, always." _

Joss could feel the tears rolling down her cheeks. She wanted to tell him to stop talking, but what he was saying to her was so touching, so endearing, so beautiful. She could only sit and listen to her handsome, grown up son, pour his heart out to her.

_"Next year, I'll be heading to the Military Academy for four years, and after that…I'll be enlisting into the Marine Corps." _

Taylor got up and pulled his chair closer to his mother. He was sitting right in front of her now, and still had more to say as he continued holding her hands.

_"Mom, you are a beautiful woman, and I'm not just saying that because I'm your son. You are mom…very beautiful and full of life. Besides…I've seen the way you dance when listening to that old school music…"_

That alone had gotten a laugh out of her, and Taylor was happy about that. He didn't like to see her cry. He didn't want to see her get hurt, or be sad.

_"I guess what I'm trying to say to you is this… you need someone in your life that will make you happy, keep you laughing, keep you dancing. And if you're happy mom, then so am I. I think Mr. Reese is just the kind of man you need in your life. I think he's a good man."_

Joss was stunned to hear Taylor speak with so much knowledge and sense. Fighting back tears was inevitable. They rolled down her cheeks like a flowing waterfall. She grabbed her son and held him in her arms. It felt good to hold him again, even if he did tower over her.

_"Thank you so much baby, for understanding. You don't know what this means to me. _She looked up at Taylor, her eyes holding the hurt she was feeling inside.

"_I really wanted John to come here with me for Christmas, but he insisted that I spend this time with you and mom."_

_"That doesn't surprise me. He's a real cool dude, and I really do like him." _

Taylor maintained the tight grip he had around his mother's waist, looking down into her eyes with total contentment.

_"So…tell me this…why can't he come now, you know…and finish spending Christmas with us here?"_

Joss broke the moment of contentment and peace. She pulled away from her son, walked over to the screen and stared out at the light snowdrift silently falling to the ground.

_"It's complicated 'T'. I wish that I could tell you but, I don't quite know how."_

_"What's wrong mom?" _He asked, walking over and standing next to her.

_"You're not __**his **__girl anymore?"_

After shaking off the shock of how deep and authentic her son was speaking in terms of relationship issues, Joss studied the question in her mind before answering him. She also made note in her mind to talk to Taylor about how he seemed to know so much about relationships. Was he exploring already, and she didn't know about it?

_"Well, sweetie, there is a possibility that I might not be."_

_"But…Why mom?…I thought you said the two of you love each other?_

_"We do Taylor…but, _w_e're sort of not speaking to each other right now...at least, not rationally. I think that I may have caused him a lot of pain. I lied to him about something 'T'."_

_"Come on ma, that's not your style. Are you serious?"_ he asked, smiling in disbelief.

_"It's true. You see, I didn't come here alone. I mean…someone rode with me...here…to Connecticut."_

She watched as Taylor's eyes stretched and his mouth flew open. Now he was confused. He looked just as shocked as she did when John called her '_Jocelyn_' for the first time.

_"Mom! Are you kidding me? Who did you come here with?"_

Taylor was standing in front of his mother looking down at her. The look in his eyes made her feel as if she had let him down as well.

_"Come on now 'T', it's not __**that**__ serious. I only let him hitch a ride with me. He's someone that I work with at the Precinct, Cal Beecher, that's his name. We were both heading in the same direction anyway, so he asked if he could ride with me, and…of course, I said yes."_

_"So, Mr. Reese didn't like it when you told him…right?"_

She looked up at her son, flinched a little and made a hissing sound through clenched teeth, as a breath of cool wind seeped down her throat into her lungs giving her a quick chill.

_"You did…tell him…didn't you mom?"_

_"My God Taylor…you would make a great lawyer some day", _she said smiling at him. _To answer your last question first…No, son…I didn't tell him, and No, he didn't like it when I did."_

Taylor walked around the patio with both hands locked together on top of his head. He walked back over to his mom and briefly stared at her, feeling a bit confused. **He** was now calculating the hours in his mind.

_"Mom…I need to ask you something, promise me you won't get upset, but…I'm a little curious about something."_

_"What is it 'T'?"_

_"You…you didn't get….it took you…I..." _

Taylor was finding it very difficult to ask his mother about the seven hours it took for her to get to Connecticut and why. By now, she knew where he was going with his question, and she did not want to discuss it with him.

_"Taylor...I think I know what you want to ask me, but…I don't care to talk about it right now, so please, for me…let it go." _

She looked at her son, hoping he'd understand, but she could see the question mark in his eyes, he was definitely confused and curious. Joss was glad when he posed the next question to her…that, she could speak about.

_"So, do you still have a chance with him? You think he still loves you?"_

_"I think so 'T'...but…I just don't know. John was very upset when we talked…__**correction**__…screamed at each other over the phone last night. He made it clear to me that he couldn't accept the lies. I've tried calling him 'T', but he will not answer or return any of my calls or messages. He really feels that I was dishonest with him from start to finish, and now, the trust part of our relationship is strained, and I'm not sure if I can fix it. Frankly, 'T'…I don't even know if I want to try."_

Taylor could see the hurt in his mother's eyes. He wanted to say something to enlighten the mood and make her smile.

_"You know mom…I usually charge by the hour for good relationship advice, but since you are my mother, and this __**is**__ sort of an emergency…I guess I can cover it for you."_

Joss could barely stop laughing, and her laughter and bright smile was priceless to him.

_"Seriously though mom, if he loves you as much as you say he does, I think he'll come around. Maybe he just needs a little cooling off period. I'm curious though…weren't you the one to tell me that trust and honesty are two key factors in any relationship, without it, there's no need to have one?"_

She could not believe it. Her son was acting more responsible than she was. Joss put her arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek.

_"I love you baby. Thank you 'T'. Oh…and by the way…I will be having another conversation with you, when you get back home. You're going to tell me just how much you already know about relationships, and…who she is?" _

She smiled at her son, and he winked at her.

_"Thank you Taylor…I mean it."_

_"That's what I'm here for mom. Don't worry, I'm sure he'll call you soon."_

_"You think so?"_

_"You can count on it." _

Taylor left to meet up with a few of his friends to try to salvage the rest of the evening. They headed for the local skating rink to watch untrained, bumbling skaters fall on their asses. This had become the place to hangout for him and his friends. They were having a good time, but Taylor's mind remained on his mother and John Reese. He excused himself for a few minutes and headed for the nearest bathroom.

He reached into his pocket, pulled out his wallet and removed a small piece of paper. On it was the name, **John Reese**, and a telephone number. John had given him the number that night when he rescued him from the clutches of Elias. He told Taylor to call him any time, day or night, and he promised he would answer. He dialed the number hoping that Mr. Reese was still in the habit of keeping his promises.

Finch and Reese were sitting in the Library discussing the latest victim that somehow, the Machine missed, when he received the call from Taylor.

_"Taylor?"_

_"Yes sir, Mr. Reese…it's me, Taylor...Taylor Carter."_

Reese looked over at Finch, who now seemed to be just as surprised as he was of the fact that Taylor was calling.

_"Is something wrong?"_ Reese asked with concern in his voice.

_"I don't know, sir…that's why I'm calling. I mean, you tell me?"_

Reese face went from concerned to stoic. He wondered if Joss had told Taylor about their relationship, and maybe he didn't take it well. He walked out of the Library and sat on the front steps. This was a conversation he wanted to have alone, without the curious prying eyes of Harold Finch.

_"Talk to me Taylor. What do you mean?"_

_"Do you love her, Mr. Reese?...my mom…Do you love her?"_

Reese knew that Joss had told him about their relationship. He knew that he had to be subtle with him. Taylor was going straight for the juggler vein, and was holding back no punches.

_"Yes I do, son. I do love your mother, very much. She means everything to me, and one day, I hope that maybe we can become a family." _

There was a moment of silence after he said those words. Reese was thinking that maybe he threw the word _family_ in a little too soon. He stiffened his body and prepared for what Taylor might say to him next.

_"Then tell me why she is so upset. I mean, she thinks that I can't hear her crying at night in her bedroom, but I can…I've heard her, Mr. Reese, and I just want to know why? What did you do to her?" _

Reese dropped his head. He felt awful, as if someone had punched him in his gut. He held his head up, cleared his throat, and resumed the conversation.

_"I'm sorry Taylor. It was never my intention to make her cry, you know me better than that. You know that's not what I do. I just needed some time to think things through, let go of my inhibitions. I would never do anything to hurt her, or…jeopardize my relationship with your mother. I love her son. It's just that…we've been having a slight misunderstanding lately and I…"_

_"I know. You don't like what she did."_

Reese looked shocked and was almost speechless. He held the phone down from his face for a few seconds.

_"What did you say?" He asked wanting to make sure he heard Taylor correctly._

_"You know…with Mr. Beechem…Beecher, whatever the hell his name is, you didn't like it because she let him ride here with her, right?"_

This was a hell of a lot more than he was expecting to hear, coming from Taylor. This kid was serious and shooting straight from the hip.

_"Taylor…it's more complicated than that."_

_"Why? Is it because she didn't tell you about him? Is it because you're jealous of her being with that guy? Why is it so complicated for you and my mom to work things out, Mr. Reese? Why can't the two of you fix this and move on?"_

Reese listened carefully, hanging on to every word Taylor was saying. He could tell that Taylor was definitely ahead of the game with what was going on. Nothing would get past him, and it was time for him to talk man-to-man with Taylor. Show him a little respect, give him credit for making the call, credit for having the courage to confront him about his mother.

_"Taylor, I'm going to be straight with you, and I need you to listen to me. I know your concerns are genuine, and when it comes to your mother, you will do whatever you have to do to protect her, and so will I. The same applies in relationships, son. When you love someone, you will do whatever you have to do to protect that love, to protect the person you love. Sometimes in relationships something might happen between the two people in love, creating chaos and confusion, hurt and pain. Sometimes, Taylor, the trust in the relationship is tested… tested for strength, for honesty, courage, love and devotion. If the two people being tested in the relationship, give up and walk away, then…maybe it's not worth fighting for, maybe, son…it just wasn't meant to be." _

_"So, does that mean that the relationship between you and…my mom…it's not meant to be?" _

Reese paused for a minute before answering his question. He wanted to make sure the words came out right.

_"No, Taylor…that's not what I'm saying. What has happened between me and your mother is a bit more complicated. Sometimes a person can say a lot, without speaking a word, and sometimes their silence…say more than they know. Your mother and I, we do love each other son, but…right now, there is no certainty in the relationship that we have. There is no surety of what we have with each other right now. Anyone can penetrate what we have and it's not up for discussion. That makes the relationship for me…feel… open…testable. It won't work, son…not unless we fight for it, and don't give up on each other."_

_"Ok…Mr. Reese, I think I know what you're saying…what you're saying is that you aren't certain that the two of you love each other, because of what happened, because you and my mom aren't fighting hard enough to make things right again, and not let someone like that Mr. Beecher guy, play in the mix of things."_

Reese smiled at what he said. At least it was close enough to the truth, and what he was trying to relay to Taylor. He just wasn't sure what he meant by _'play in the mix'_.

_"I'm sorry but…__**'play in the mix**__?"_

_"Ahhh…come on Mr. Reese…you know…invade your space with mom…try to come between you and her…" _

Reese couldn't help but smile at the slang way in which Taylor put it, but he had to admit…it was exactly what he was saying.

_"Exactly! You're right, and I'm trying Taylor. I don't want to give up on us son. I won't give up, not without trying to come to some sort of understanding between us. Maybe she's right…your mom…maybe she's right to tell me to stop overreacting with jealous emotions." _

_"Maybe…but I would feel jealous too if my girl drove miles away, and another guy rode with her, and then they get lost for seven hours. I'd probably be just as pissed, I mean, I really wouldn't like that at all."_

_Reese was taken aback at how Taylor was opening up to him about his relationship. _

_"Wow…so, if you don't mind my asking…how long have you been dating?"_

_"I met her last year, Mr. Reese. She's a real nice girl."_

_"Really? Have you told your mother about her?"_

Taylor paused for a few minutes before answering Reese.

_"Well…not exactly…but I will, just…don't tell her yet. When I return home next week, I'm planning to tell her then…deal?"_

Reese had a big, wide grin on his face, and could barely keep from laughing out loud. Hearing Taylor discuss this with him felt good and exciting.

_"Ok Taylor…it's a deal…you've got my word on that."_

_"Thanks sir…I told mom you're a cool dude. So…the situation between you and mom…it's fixable then, isn't it? You said you love her so, it's simple, just fix it and move on."_

Taylor's words felt like a slap in the face, but in a good way. Reese smiled as the wheels of resolution turned in his head. He asked Taylor if he could keep a secret. They finished the conversation and Reese walked back into the Library with a look of complete satisfaction on his face.

Finch looked a little concerned, and didn't hide the fact that he had overheard the conversation.

_"I don't think this is such a good idea, John. I don't think that it's wise of you to involve her son in this situation. It could backfire on you one day you know, and it won't be all that wonderful when it does."_

_"Harold…you were listening in again, weren't you?"_

_"Well…maybe just a little",_ he said with two fingers held up, slightly apart.

Joss was having another sleepless night. It was a little after midnight and she could not sleep. She heard her phone rang and jumped, looking somewhat nervous and a bit anxious. She was definitely not looking forward to having another shouting match with John.

She grabbed the phone from the nightstand and this time looked to see who was calling. It sure as hell wasn't John. It was Beecher. Joss threw the phone down onto the bed. She definitely did not want to talk to him. The phone continued to ring annoying the hell out of her.

Joss did everything she could to muzzle the sound. Everything...except turning off her phone, or muting it. As a cop that was not an option. She stacked pillows on top of the phone, but could still hear faint ringing echoing from beneath the pillows.

She pushed them to the floor, grabbed the phone, and ended the call, or at least she thought, he called back again and again, until finally, it stopped ringing. Just as she was about to put the phone back down on the nightstand, it rang again. Joss threw her arms in the air and fell backwards onto the bed, with the phone in her hand ringing annoyingly.

She looked at the number, knowing who it was, and she was right. It was Beecher. She was angry as hell, and her voice was a true indication of just how angry she was when she answered.

_"What do you want…Beecher?...What?!"_

There was no hello, no calm, nothing. Her voice was firm and to the point.

_"Sorry Detective, did I wake you?"_ he asked, his voice calm.

_"Listen Beecher…I can't do this to him anymore. Everything…it was all a stupid mistake! So, I think you need to find a ride back to New York. I…I can't…"_

_"I know…I understand Detective, that's why I'm calling. I'm already on my way back to New York. A friend of mine was going that way, and so…I asked him to give me a ride back. The ah…Captain needed me to come in and work a case with your partner, Detective Fusco."_

This was definitely a self-made problem she would not have to deal with any longer. Joss felt a ton of relief from her Beecher woes. She knew that it was going to be 'sticky' having to work with him when she return to New York, but for now, she was just relieved to know that she would not have to face him right now.

Meanwhile, sitting in the black sedan headed to New York, were Detective Beecher and Harold Finch. The two men said nothing to each other for a few minutes. Beecher looked over at Finch with subdued anger.

_"So, you think your friend will be satisfied now?"_

Finch never looked at him. He just stared straight ahead with no emotion in his eyes.

_"I suppose he will be Detective." _

_"Do Detective Carter know about this?"_

Finch suddenly glanced over in Beecher's direction. He had a way of saying things that made it sound…**permanent**.

_"Detective…you should be careful. I do know a little something about your sordid past and lifestyle...Mr. Beecher. Your…shall we say… '__**unique**__' way of getting females to __**like**__ you. I really do not believe, for one moment, Detective, that any of those women perjured themselves, when testifying against you. Wouldn't you agree?"_

Beecher looked over at Finch. The coldness of his stare amid the resolve of his voice, was not that of a man to be reckoned with, and Beecher knew it. He could not believe it. That incident happened in his life almost ten years ago. Beecher sank back into the seat and stared out of the window. There was total silence between them for the remainder of the drive back to New York

Joss slept like a baby that night. The next day she could hardly contain her feelings. She was happy, walking around singing Christmas songs, participating in snowball fights with Taylor and his friends, and a few of the neighborhood kids. They even built a snowman. Although her mother **_did _**say that, _it was the_ _scariest looking snowman she had ever seen_.

Later in the day, she took her mother shopping, and sat aside three hours to pamper herself at a local, top-notch beauty salon. Joss had her hair done and her nails manicured with white French tips, even her toes, and enjoyed the soothing comfort of a cucumber facial. She felt exhilarated and alive.

Tomorrow she would be leaving, and after a few days of chaos, rest and relaxation was all she wanted to feel. She even stopped trying to contact John. It was pointless, and she tried to convince herself that it wasn't worth the effort anymore.

After Joss finished at the hair salon, she picked up Taylor and his friends from the mall. By the time they relieved her of chauffer duties, she was totally exhausted. All of the exhilaration she'd felt after leaving the salon…had been drained from her body by a group of young teenage boys.

By eight o'clock, she was back at home with her mother, and relaxing out on the patio. She was bushed. Joss curled up on the padded lounge chair and covered her legs and feet with a thick, warm blanket. She picked up the "**True Love"** romance novel, written by her favorite romance author, Danielle Steel.

Her friend Carolyn swore that it was one of Danielle's greatest love stories ever, but then again, everything was a love story to Carolyn. She even thought that the dog in _'All Dogs Go to Heaven'_ was a helpless romantic, and couldn't stop crying for two days.

Joss read up to three chapters of the book and had to admit, Carolyn was on to something. She was already captivated by the story and the best was yet to come. Another two chapters of reading, and her eyelids began to get heavy. She tried desperately to fight the sleepy feeling, but it was too much for her and it was winning...hands down…it was winning.

She was briefly jolted awake when Taylor yelled out to her that he and grandma were leaving to catch the nine o'clock movie playing at the theater, and they would probably grab something to eat before they return.

They knew that Joss was tired and needed to rest for a while, especially since she would be leaving tomorrow, so they didn't bother to ask if she would like to go with them. Joss was so drowsy she could barely think straight. She murmured something to them and nodded off.

Outside the apartment…there was a whole lot of planning, scheming and whispering going on, and Joss had no clue. She didn't know that John was waiting outside for Taylor and his grandmother to give him thumbs up.

It seems even grandma was in on the whole thing. After they drove off, John entered the apartment. He quickly fell in love with its interior design and style. He could see why Joss loved it here so much.

He scanned the room and spotted the sunken steps, knowing that they must be the entrance to the patio her mother told him about. He quietly walked toward the steps and stood in the doorway of the patio, staring across the room at Joss, who was sleeping as soundly as a baby.

His heart was beating fast, as if he had ran all the way there. She looked so beautiful and peaceful, he did not want to wake her, but his need to touch her, kiss her, hold her in his arms, was far greater than his will to let her sleep.

John walked over and sat down on the floor directly in front of her. He raised one of his legs up, propped his arm on his knee, with his hand dangling. Starting from the top of her head and down to her feet, he stared at her, admiring every inch. Her hair had fallen down across her face, masking one side. He slowly eased her hair back across her shoulder, smiling and trying to restrain his urge to kiss her.

His eyes scanned the title of the book she was reading, which had fallen to the floor from her hand. The urge to wake her was overpowering. John leaned in closer and gently kissed her lips. She flinched a little and shook her head. John smiled in anticipation of waking her. He did it again, kissing her soft lips tenderly, lingering a few seconds longer.

Joss moved this time, rolling over onto her back. He paused for a few minutes, watching her to see if she would open her eyes, but they remained closed, her hand resting on her stomach. With the tip of his finger, he slowly traced the shape of her nose, inching down to her lips. She jumped and slowly opened her eyes. At first, she thought that she was dreaming. Her eyes fluttered as she tried to focus on the person sitting in front of her.

_"Hi babe…"_ John said, smiling at her.

_"John…?"_

_"I missed you Joss. I couldn't stay away any longer."_

She sat up completely, now in full focus, and grabbed him, squeezing his body tight, hugging him, kissing his face with repeated love pecks.

_"John!...God I missed you so much!"_

She kissed him repeatedly with love pecks. He could barely catch his breath, requiting her kisses and hugs. Joss threw the blanket to the floor and leaped into his arms. He held her tight, not wanting to let her go…ever! They could not stop kissing, as if through the kisses, they were apologizing to each other. They spent about thirty minutes curled up on the couch hugging and kissing, occasionally talking to each other. Apologies were sincere, and so was forgiveness.

It wasn't long before the burning passion both were harboring, led them upstairs to her bedroom. John hesitated at first. He felt a little awkward making love in her mother's home, but she assured him that it was not like they were two teenage high school kids, doing something they should not be doing, hell, they were two grown ass adults who were simply…making up. _As long as they finished before her mom and Taylor return_, she added, both laughing hysterically as they fell onto the bed.

**_…Meanwhile at the movie theater…_**

Taylor and his grandmother could not have planned it better. They knew that his mom and John needed some private time alone, to work things out and come to some sort of understanding.

They were sitting in the theater, watching the latest installment of Star Trek, whispering back and forth to each other, and sharing a tub of popcorn. Grandma didn't have a clue about what she was watching with her grandson, and would occasionally nod a little when he wasn't looking.

_"What do you think grandma? You think Mr. Reese and mom will work things out?"_

_"I'm sure they will dear. I'm sure they will"_, she said, smiling and patting her grandson's hand. _"They just need a little time to ah…talk."_

Ohhhh…but talking was not exactly what they were doing under the sheets. If walls could talk…that night…the burning "make up" sex and passion in that bedroom was incredible…and hot! The moans, screams, thumping, squeaking of the bed. It sounded like a mixture of Fourth of July fireworks and drummers beating and banging on drums.

An hour later, the two lovebirds emerged from the bedroom kissing and giving each other love taps. After taking a nice hot shower together, they quickly dressed, wanting to make sure Taylor and her mother would not catch them doing what they were doing.

After their passionate round of lovemaking, the two of them curled up on the sofa and cuddled closely. They talked as little as possible, enjoying the warmth and comfort of being in each others arms.

The moment became a little tense when the topic of Beecher came up. John really did not want to talk about it. He leaned his head back on the couch and stared up at the ceiling. He was hiding a little secret of his own. If she knew that he was the reason behind Beecher leaving earlier than expected, she might not forgive him, but he was keeping a promise to himself and to Taylor that he'd fight for her.

His mind reflected back on what had transpired between him and Beecher an hour before midnight. Before Beecher called Joss, John called Beecher. He was in Connecticut and wanted to meet with him. Finch dropped John off at the pub around eleven, so the two men could meet and talk. The conversation was tense and very heated at times, especially when he told John to ask her why it took them seven hours to reach Connecticut. John leaned forward as close as he could get in Beecher's face. John made a promise and a threat that if he ever touch her again, he'd kill him.

According to Beecher, the two of them should let her decide which of them she wanted in her life. But…according to John, that was not an option. The conversation lasted for about thirty minutes before Beecher reached the conclusion that he was fighting a losing battle. He could see that John was in love with her, and was willing to fight for her if he had to.

Beecher graciously accepted John's 'non-negotiable' offer for him to ride back to New York with Finch, but not before telling John that if he ever hurt her, he would have to answer to him. He stood up from the table and looked at John with sharp, cold eyes, almost daring him to fuck up with Joss, and he'd be sorry. Not to be outdone, John stood and the two men were suddenly face-to-face. John returned the cold stare, but his stare was speaking as loud and clear as the words he said.

**_"You...Stay the hell away from her!" _**

John kept his eyes on Beecher as he walked out of the pub. After losing himself in deep thought of what had occurred earlier between them, he sat up and turned toward Joss.

_"Look, I understand babe. Believe me I do, and I apologize. I realize that we have to clean up some loose ends to be able to move on with our life together Joss. We'll have plenty enough time to talk about things later, but right now babe…all that matters is that we love each other, and stay true to each other." _

It felt as if they had found love all over again, but both were harboring secrets that would one day, come back to haunt them. After much needed bouts of conversations, both were really feeling tired. They stretched out onto the big, sectional sofa bed, locked in each others arms.

It was around midnight when Taylor and his grandmother returned home. They entered the apartment laughing and talking about the movie and how he had to nudge her a few times because her snoring was drowning out the movie.

When Taylor reached the living room, he turned to his grandmother with a finger placed on his lips, and pointed into the room. His mom and John had fallen asleep. She was resting her head on his chest and he was holding her in his arms.

Taylor and his grandmother tipped quietly out of the living room and went into the kitchen. They smiled at each other and smacked their hands together in the air.

_"It worked?"_ he asked.

_"It worked"_, she said, smiling at her grandson.

Taylor went upstairs and got a blanket. He gave it to his grandmother and she quietly tipped into the living room and placed it over them.

The next morning, after packing up everything it was time to say goodbye. Taylor and John were standing on the patio talking. Joss saw them when they bumped fists, then hugged each other. She walked over and stood in front of Taylor and placed her hand up to his cheek. John was standing next to her and placed his hand on her shoulder. He squeezed, reassuring her that it would only be a week, and her son would be back home. She kissed Taylor on both cheeks and pecked his lips gently. They hugged each other tight, her hand patting him gently on his back.

_"You've got one week." _She said, smiling.

John had already given her mother a hug and a kiss. Joss walked over to her mother and embraced her with a loving hug and a kiss on her cheek. She hated to go. After all of the sad goodbyes, they were on the road headed back to New York City. Joss was silent for almost twenty minutes. She finally came around after about an hour into the drive. It wasn't long before they arrived back at the apartment. This was definitely a holiday trip they would not forget anytime soon.

**Chapter 6: Where Do I Fit In? **

**Episode 1: Normalcy vs. Chaos**

_The month of January arrived with chaos and devastation. Amid heavy snowstorms, closed schools and traffic jams, caused by car pile-ups, Joss and Detective Fusco must work around the clock, as they struggle to fight back against crooked cops within the HR Department. In the meantime, John and Joss realizes that their "normal" relationship is in for a bumpy ride, as they try to find time to spend together._


End file.
